


half a heart

by nsfwtaeten



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 11:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18659428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsfwtaeten/pseuds/nsfwtaeten
Summary: don't give all of your heart to a person.





	half a heart

**Author's Note:**

> remind me to never, ever, like EVER write angst again idk what i was thinking when i wrote this but like, sayang if i just dumped it so yea lol 
> 
> and also this is like really terrible and rushed bc i couldn’t stand the angst man i hate angst which again brings up the question WHY DID I WRITE THIS

When Ten was a kid, he saw his parents fighting. The past was brought up again and his mom talked about his father’s affairs with multiple women. Ten realised then that while his father was a great father, he was not at all a great husband. Ten understood and he witnessed how his mom never really moved on from the pain. He promised himself he would never give all his heart to a person just like his mother did because looking at how she’s forever having those bitter and painful feelings in her, Ten swore that he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to him. She seems to be in so much pain and Ten doesn’t wish to experience that.

 

 

Years after that, Ten was a teenager and he came home to see his brother and his wife arguing. Apparently, his brother cheated on her with a common friend of theirs and she found out. Ten watched as they held each other while crying, his brother whispering endless apologies and Ten wondered if his wife felt better hearing those. He got his answer and no, she didn’t. Just like his mother, his brother’s wife seems to be forced to live with the everlasting pain in her heart. Ten reminded himself again of the promise; _don’t give all of your heart to a person._

 

 

 

 

Ten has always thought of Taeyong as someone whose presence is very comfortable to be around with. The man is very warm, gentle and caring and Ten likes being around him. They’ve been living together for quite some time, being in a relationship with no label.

 

 

Ten prefers it that way. When he wants affection, he gets it. When he wants sex, he gets it. When he just needs someone, Taeyong is there for him. It’s convenient, hassle-free and Ten finds comfort in the feeling of stability.

 

 

He also makes it clear that he wants a relationship with no label and he also lets Taeyong know that he doesn’t believe in the concept of loving just one person for the rest of our lives. You’re bound to lose the feelings you have for someone, it is just a matter of time.

 

  

“One day, sooner or later, our relationship will come to an end. What’s the point of making it serious? Let’s just keep it chill” he said and Taeyong said nothing in response, just looking at Ten with an unreadable gaze.

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong has always been a family-oriented man. He dreams of having a future spouse whom he loves very much and have kids that they’ll both take responsibility for. He wants it, a picture-perfect family with his other half because he believes it is possible. He wants to have that endless love that most people fail to have.

 

 

When Taeyong first met Ten, he was instantly bewitched. The Thai male is gorgeous beyond words. Of course, you’ll get attracted to someone because of their looks but if you stay long with them, it’s no longer just about looks. It’s about the person as a whole and Taeyong, like a fool, lets himself fall for Ten even though he knows that Ten has an entirely different view about love compared to him. He also knows that Ten still pays rent for his apartment despite the fact that he has moved in with Taeyong, as if he’s expecting to move out sooner or later and Taeyong winces at the bitter thought.

 

 

Taeyong thinks that Ten will soon change his mind if Taeyong convinces him that he’s serious, he’s serious about Ten and he’s serious about them because every time he looks at Ten, he can see their future together, side by side and maybe have their little ones along with them. It’s a beautiful image in Taeyong’s head and it’s such a pity that every time he dreams of it, Ten’s words echo in his head and the dream is shattered into pieces. Taeyong wants what Ten doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s just another typical Sunday with Taeyong and Ten spending the day at the mall, currently sipping on their bubble teas after watching a movie; which they chose randomly but thankfully it was a fun watch. Next to them is a family and there are two kids. One is a boy and another is a girl. They’re playing by themselves, giggling and teasing each other but then the boy throws a figurine at her sister but he misses and the small object lands on Taeyong and Ten’s table.

 

 

“See! I’ve warned you both not to get too naughty” their mother reprimands and Ten picks the object up and gives it back to them, saying ‘it’s okay, it really is’ when the parents apologise and the kids are doing the same as well.

 

 

Taeyong who’s watching the whole exchange feels the sudden warmth in his chest at the sight of Ten interacting with kids. The dreams that he has are reoccurring and now, it gets clearer that he can see Ten in them, having kids with him and build their family together. He wants this. He wants Ten. Is there really not a chance that Ten would want the same things that Taeyong wants?

 

 

He clears his throat, catching Ten’s attention who’s still watching the kids playing with a slight smile on his face. Taeyong finds himself smiling too.

 

 

“You like kids?” he carefully asks and Ten shrugs at that.

 

 

“So-so? I don’t hate them, if that’s what you’re wondering”

 

 

Taeyong taps his fingers lightly on the table, debating with himself whether he should really ask the next question or not. However, his mouth works faster than his brain.

 

 

“Well, do you want kids someday?”

 

 

The sudden question catches Ten off guard and his eyes widen slightly before they narrow and he looks at Taeyong with an unreadable expression on his face. Taeyong knows that it was a wrong move to ask and he stands up quickly, dumping his cup in the trash bin and looks back at Ten with a slightly awkward smile.

 

 

“Let’s go, if you’re done?”

 

 

Ten nods and they pretend that the conversation never happened.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten is quick to catch up on things and he knows that Taeyong has been hinting on something. Something that Ten has been avoiding for all his life. He chews on his bottom lip, eyes looking around at the empty dance studio. His students have left and it’s actually already a few hours past his work hours but he’s still there, thinking about....stuff. A while after that, his phone vibrates and he looks over. Taeyong is calling him.

 

He stares at the phone, wondering if he should pick it up knowing that Taeyong must be worried about him but he decides not to. He can feel the scary feeling seeping in and Ten holds his breath as he thinks about how Taeyong is slowly etching himself into Ten’s life, making his way over and securing a place for himself. That’s when Ten realizes that this thing that they have has been going on for so long that he also finds himself slowly getting used to the feeling of having Taeyong in his life and his face turns pale when he acknowledges the fact.

 

Maybe it’s time to end this, he thinks and he collects his stuff while making sure to text Taeyong to let him know that he’s on his way home.

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong finally can be in peace after Ten sent him a text saying that he was on his way home. He should be here in 20 minutes, he thinks and he’s right. Quickly getting on his feet, Taeyong heads towards the door and at the sight of Ten, he rushes forward to envelope him in a hug, causing the petite male in his arms to widen his eyes at the affectionate gesture.

 

 

“I thought something happened because it’s getting late” he whispers and places a kiss on Ten’s temple, relieved that the man is safe and sound.

 

 

Feeling his heart beats fast, Ten tries to ignore the warmth that bubbles up in his chest and he pulls away slightly to look at Taeyong, searching for deception in the man’s eyes but he finds sincerity instead. Not wanting to overthink, he pulls Taeyong in and crashes his lips into Taeyong’s in a desperate kiss. He wants to ignore, he wants to not overthink and he wants to stay guarded.

 

 

Like always, Taeyong kisses him back with the same zeal and hands are immediately circled around Ten’s waist to press their bodies together, wanting to get more of Ten. Things seem to be leading to the bedroom. Yet, Taeyong being Taeyong, he remembers that Ten has just gotten home and probably has not eaten anything so he breaks the kiss, Ten whining a bit at the loss of contact, trying to chase Taeyong’s lips with his and Taeyong chuckles at the adorable action, leaning forward to peck his lips a couple of times but Ten wants more.

 

 

“You gotta eat first, Ten” he says and brushes off a few strands of Ten’s hair with his hand, marveling at the softness of it despite the frequent dyeing.

 

 

Shaking his head, Ten tries to pull Taeyong in again for a kiss but the taller male isn’t giving in. However, Taeyong should know better that Ten always gets what he wants and he groans when Ten palms his clothed dick.

 

 

“This is the only meat that I want now, Taeyong” says Ten while licking his lips and Taeyong lets out a small ‘fuck it’ before carrying Ten on his shoulder, causing the smaller male to giggle and asks to be put down but Taeyong ignores him.

 

 

 

 

 

They spend the night passionately having sex, round one starts with Taeyong getting in between Ten’s legs. His tongue is in Ten’s walls and Ten grips on the bed sheets tightly as Taeyong continues to bring him the heavenly sensation. When Taeyong finally enters him in one swift motion, Ten moans loudly and he makes sure to scream Taeyong’s name as the elder pounds into him relentlessly. He thinks they will be done when he feels himself filled to the brim with Taeyong’s loads but he is proven wrong. Taeyong lifts him up and sits Ten down on his dick that’s half-hard and Ten whines in oversensitivity.

 

 

“Taeyong, I’m still so sensitive” he whimpers but the taller male ignores him and instead thrusts upwards, finding pleasure in listening to the squelching sounds of his dick moving in and out of Ten’s wet hole.

 

 

“You asked for it, babe” Taeyong reminds, grunting as he fastens his pace and Ten puts his hands on Taeyong’s shoulders, bouncing on his lap desperately and his cock is once again hard.

 

 

Taeyong is pleased at the change and he holds Ten firmly by his waist while he marks him all over, his neck and chest are covered with lots of love bites.

 

 

Tired, Ten slows down and he eventually stops, resting his face on Taeyong’s shoulder while silently begs for him to fuck him so he can come. Thankfully for him, Taeyong gets the message and he flips Ten over, back into the missionary position and Taeyong momentarily stares at Ten, appreciating how gorgeous he looks being underneath Taeyong like this.

 

 

Lifting Ten’s legs and put them on his shoulders, Taeyong wastes no time and drills into Ten’s ass again, fucking him vigorously and Ten continues to release erotic sounds as he is being fucked hard into the bed.

 

 

It feels like forever before Ten releases his ropes of cum between their bodies and a while after, Taeyong follows and his body shakes when he fills up Ten’s insides with his warm white liquid for the second time that it overflows.

 

 

Sated and ready for sleep to take over, Ten lays there immobile, eyes closed and he knows Taeyong is getting a wet towel to clean them up when he hears his footsteps. And he’s right when Taeyong comes back and wipes his body, also bringing his shirt for Ten to wear because he doesn’t want Ten to get too cold in his sleep and Ten can’t help but smiles softly at the caring action.

 

 

When Taeyong finally gets in bed beside him, Ten quickly moves closer and Taeyong is more than willing to open his arms for Ten to get in.

 

 

He presses a gentle kiss on Ten’s forehead.

 

 

“I love you”

 

 

And Ten goes straight to sleep, pretending like he doesn’t hear it.

 

 

 

 

 

In the morning, Ten wakes up earlier than Taeyong which rarely happens and he looks at the male beside him whose hand is draped possessively across his middle. He thinks again about the three words that Taeyong said to him last night and he sighs.

 

 

_I love you_

 

 

Ten stares at the ceiling and he thinks about Taeyong, Such a beautiful man with an equally beautiful heart. The last thing Ten wants is to hurt Taeyong because he genuinely thinks that the man deserves nothing but the best and Ten doesn’t think that he is the best for Taeyong. He’s just being selfish if he keeps holding this man down and not having thoughts to have something serious and solid, like Taeyong wants.

 

 

One last time, Ten leans forward to press a gentle kiss on Taeyong’s lips and he ignores the way his heart clenches at the thought of being away from Taeyong but he has to do this. For his sake and Taeyong’s. Getting on his feet, Ten winces slightly at the pain on his lower half before quickly dresses himself, packs his stuff and leaves the apartment that they used to share.

 

 

His time with Taeyong is up and he has to let go.

 

 

 

 

 

When Taeyong wakes up, he immediately searches for Ten after seeing that the smaller male is not by his side. He frowns, not liking the unpleasant feelings that he feels in his chest and when his eyes land on their closet, he somehow feels the urge to slide it open and he does just that, revealing a half-empty closet that used to be occupied by Ten’s clothes.

 

 

Taeyong laughs humorlessly, he laughs so hard he ends up crying when the pain hits him in the chest. It hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

Coming back to his apartment makes Ten feel weird and he doesn’t know why suddenly it feels like he has way too much space for himself. He arranges his stuff, cleans the house a bit and once everything is settled, he grabs a mug of coffee and heading for the balcony, looking at the people walking and carrying on with their day. He sees a couple, walking side by side and he doesn’t know why it stings his heart. Or maybe he does, he just pretends not to.

 

 

 

 

 

None of them tries to contact each other after the separation and both men move forward with their lives, pretending as if they’re not walking around with gaping holes in their hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten meets Taeyong again 2 weeks after at a club. He looks fine, seems to have lost a bit of weight and his eyes aren’t as bright as they used to but Ten thinks he still looks pretty good. He thought Taeyong would ignore him but no, the taller male makes his way toward Ten, leaving his friends temporarily behind.

 

 

“How have you been?” Taeyong asks, starting the conversation and Ten shrugs.

 

 

“Pretty fine. You?”

 

 

“I’m good. You look skinnier. Have you been having frequent classes?”

 

 

Ten bites on the inner of his lip, he can’t tell Taeyong that he has been dancing his thoughts away, just him alone in the studio because he wants to avoid thinking of unwanted thoughts.

 

 

“Yeah” he says at last, eyes avoiding Taeyong’s.

 

 

Nodding, Taeyong doesn’t ask further and he excuses himself to get back to his friends and Ten nods and walks back to his own group of friends, fighting the urge to ask Taeyong to stay with him.

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling slightly tipsy, Taeyong decides that he has enough drinking and heads to the washroom to wash his face and sober up. However, he doesn’t expect to find Ten leaning over the sink and looking like he’s gonna pass out in a few minutes. He wonders where are his friends and when he sees that Ten is about to fall over, he rushes forward to hold Ten by the waist and the smaller male’s fist clenched on his shirt, mumbling strings of gibberish words and his eyes are closed. Taeyong sighs. Ten must have drank quite a lot for him to be this wasted because his alcohol tolerance is definitely better than Taeyong’s.

 

 

He wants to return Ten to his friends but when he reaches their table, he finds out that they’re all equally wasted and Taeyong honestly doesn’t think they can take care of a drunk Ten. Hence, he takes matters into his own hands and brings Ten home, with his friends making displeased faces at him because they know about Ten and Taeyong. Taeyong ignores them.

 

 

 

 

 

After much efforts, Ten is finally in Taeyong’s apartment, face planting on the bed and there’s a fond smile on Taeyong’s face as he manhandles Ten and makes sure that he’s lying on the bed properly. He traces the pretty man’s face, heart beating with so much love that he feels like it’s gonna burst but then the truth hits him and Taeyong fights the burn that he feels in his eyes. Bending down slightly, he kisses Ten’s head softly.

 

 

“I love you. Sleep well”

 

 

A lone tear drops on Ten’s cheek as he pulls away and leaves the room to sleep on the couch in the living room.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten wakes up with a jolt, breathing harshly and his body is all sweaty from having a bad dream. It’s that dream again. He dreams of his own self ruining a beautiful house that he built and he can’t stop him. He tries but he doesn’t listen and Ten ends up being forced to watch as everything is crumbling down in front of him, crying because he wants to stay in that house forever but it’s ruined. By himself.

 

 

He wipes the sweat off his face and he looks for his phone which is on the table beside and he unlocks it, the time is 5:30 a.m.

 

 

It’s only a few minutes later that Ten realizes he’s not in his apartment. He looks around and blinks. It’s Taeyong’s. Yet, the guy isn’t here with him? He gets on his feet, gathers his stuff and ready to leave the place. He can’t be here. He’s afraid of what might happen, _that he might stay._

 

 

 

 

Carefully closing the door of the room, he looks at the figure lying on the couch and it doesn’t take a genius to guess who it is. Ten stands still for a moment, looking at Taeyong and tries his best to silence the voices in his head that tell him to reach for Taeyong, to hug him and get back with him. He can’t do this. He can’t get too deep. He needs to leave.

 

 

Right when he’s about to walk out of the door, a voice stops him in his tracks.

 

 

“Is this what you’ll always do, Ten? Leave me without a word?”

 

 

Ten’s hand drops back to his side and he closes his eyes, wanting this dreaded moment to pass by quickly because he can’t. He can’t do this. Not today, not ever.

 

 

“I thought you were sleeping” he says softly and slowly turns back to face Taeyong, who’s sitting on the couch, awake and looking at him expressionlessly.

 

 

“I’m a light sleeper, you would know that if you ever give me at least a quarter of the attention that I give you” replies Taeyong and Ten can’t help but flinches at the cold tone. He does know about that, which is why he made sure to tip-toe but Taeyong wakes up easier than he thought.

 

 

“I do care about you, why would you think I don’t?”

 

 

“I don’t know, maybe because you ended our relationship without a word? I mean, yeah if that was even a relationship to you but at least I deserve a closure, don’t I? Ten, do I really not matter? At all?”

 

 

“Stop” Ten pleads because it hurts, it hurts knowing that Taeyong is hurting because of him.

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

“Because I care about you! Goddamn, Taeyong I care about you a lot that every time I think about you hurting, my heart aches so bad but I just can’t stay with you”

 

 

The sudden outburst leaves Taeyong speechless and he watches as Ten tremble and it’s only a few moments later that he realizes the smaller male is crying and he rushes forward in a matter of seconds to pull him to his embrace. He pulls him close, whispering ‘I’m sorry, please don’t cry, baby please’ repetitively in Ten’s ear.

 

 

Ten buries his face in Taeyong’s chest and the tears fall even harder when he realizes how much he has missed being in Taeyong’s arms, being held like he’s the most precious person in the entire world. Taeyong holds him until he calms down, pressing soft kisses on his forehead and Ten grips on his shirt tightly, holding onto Taeyong as if he’s afraid of being taken away.

 

 

A closure. Taeyong asked for a closure. Ten lets out a deep sigh, knowing that if there’s someone who deserves an explanation, that would be Taeyong.

 

 

“Taeyong, I will tell you something, okay? And please listen”

 

 

The taller male hums, still holding Ten protectively in his arms.

 

 

Taking a deep breath, Ten begins to tell why he just can’t stay with Taeyong.

 

 

“When I was a kid, my parents……………”

 

 

He tells him everything. How every relationship that he witnesses around him is never 100% perfect. He tells Taeyong how broken his mother and his sister-in-law were and how that even until now, the bitter memories still visit them from time to time and arguments will occur. Ten also spills that he has watched his mother looking at the woman that his dad was cheating with and how she seemed to be concealing her pain but it was hard not to see.

 

 

When you love someone and you give your whole heart to them, you’re giving them the power to be able to break you. Ten, learning that lesson so early in his life has guarded his heart with walls so thick but when Taeyong came into his life, slowly the walls are breaking down and when he first was aware of that, he felt unsafe. He panicked and his first instinct was to run.

 

 

“I can’t give my whole heart to you, Taeyong. I might crash and burn if you ever leave” whispers Ten quietly.

 

 

“Ten, look at me”

 

 

Lifting his head up to meet Taeyong’s gaze, Ten doesn’t remember ever feeling this vulnerable. He nuzzles into Taeyong’s hand when the older male cups his cheek and rubs his thumb on it gently.

 

 

“Ten, you might run away again but I’m still gonna say it. I love you. I really do, with every ounce in me and with every beat of my heart. I’m sorry that you have only seen broken relationships and are unable to believe in togetherness but Ten, would it be too selfish if I ask you to at least _try_ , try being with me? I won’t force you to marry me and raise up kids with me if you don’t want any of that. I just want you. I want you so badly and days without you have been so hard for me. I hate sleeping alone. I hate waking up and not having you in my arms. I hate shopping alone. I hate having breakfast alone. I just hate not having you with me because I don’t feel like myself anymore. You’ve become a part of me and I just want you to stay, if you could”

 

 

“Having your whole heart is amazing, Ten but if you can’t give me that, can I at least have a half of it?”

 

 

Ten doesn’t even realize that his tears are falling again until Taeyong wipes them away for him.

 

 

“I will try my hardest not to hurt you, I will do my best. Ten, give me a chance, give us a chance”

 

 

Ten has lived his life avoiding commitment in fear of being let down but with Taeyong, he finally feels like trying. Try getting out of his safe bubble and be brave, trusting Taeyong to be with him along the way. Ten nods as he looks at Taeyong and the smile on the other man’s face is so bright that Ten finds himself smiling as well.

 

 

This is it. He’s writing another chapter of his life. It’s scary but with Taeyong holding him and kissing him lovingly, Ten believes in having a bright future ahead.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
